A Bimbo, Re-Defined

...a princess's diary...

vendredi, octobre 07, 2005

A blink of an eye

coming back to singapore and taking a long break here is nice. i guess.


thoughts are running through my head, circling.


i guess, perhaps in paris, I do not have the time to breathe and think. work and other misc things have been catching up on me.

Now sitting at the dentist's, waiting for my turn. oh yah! finally, i get to see my newest acquisation! this fujitsu subnote. its sooo small, i LOVE it!

of course its not first hand stuff. poor people like me. really cannt afford wor..

i met my group of old gal friends yesterday. it was so familiar and nice.

it has been ages since i get to discuss things like which mascara smudges.. etc with girls!! u know, there are very very few young girls in my department. in fact, only one other girl ard my age. and she is not really the girly kind. or rather she is the girly kind, BUT heh.. her taste is different from mine lar.

Why am i at the dentist's?

many of u know that i have this childhood problem of teeth grinding. YES, i am a teeth grinder til now. the doctor's explanation will be that it is due to stress. hmm.. to think that i actually like to have alittle stress to work. but subconciously my body does not seem to be able to take it.

my sis have the same problem.

so here i m, looking for a solution, before i grind all my teeth away. ha.

actually i have been procinstating it, but i met this friend of squeeze, who kind of broke his teeth when grinding it. so i freaked out. heh.


Now, I feel so quite lost. not having my agenda with me (but at least I have my subnote!!). i feel like taking it slow this time, cos i will be back in 3 months' time. or to be exact, 2.5 month's time.

So, for the people that I did not manage to meet up this time round. We shall meet up in December lor. =)

I cant help falling in love with my new subnotebook!! I cant wait to format it and install windows XP. Ha, in fact, I cant wait to ask squeeze to format and install windows XP for me. Haha.


--

Responsibility to the future generation

Parenting is such an important and influencing role, yet there are no courses on parenting.

Recently, I felt the strongest need fo be responsible for our future generation.

I’ve just lost someone dear to me.

My only son.

My rabbit to be exact.


I have actually planned to bring my rabbit with me to Paris this time. But… sad to say, he has left us.


I have failed as a parent.

Now, looking at how the mother across me is fussing over her baby, in the MRT. I feel. People like me should never be allowed to have children. I left my child to be taken care of by another family, for the one year in Paris. And when I took him back. He died.

What does that has to say about me?!

I am absolutely disgusting. I am a menace.


My license to have children should be taken away.

Hence, since yesterday night, looking at the dead body of my dear son, xiao ke. I secretly told myself, I shall not have any children.

Forget it. Forget about reproducing. Forgetting about how cute babies are. Rabbits are cute too! Not matter how cute things are, u cant want to have them JUST BECAUSE they are cute!

I cant. I know I cant. I cant be a mother. I m no mother material.


Although XiaoKe has left. His death was not to go to waste. It taught me a lot of things. Having a child is a commitment. A serious commitment..

If both husband and wife are busy working, and too tired at the end of the day for a baby. They should not have the baby at all! Also, this applies to couples who have to fly around for work. Having grandparents to take care of the baby is kind of irresponsible. Cos yes, you can assign the job of taking care of the baby to the grand parents, but NO, you can even assign the responsibility to them. How the baby is going to turn out as, is ENTIRELY your responsibility.

Now that I have started to rationalize.

Why do people want to have babies?
1because they are cute
2to carry on the family name
3just to reproduce and populate Mother Earth

The first reason is not a reason. It is as irresponsible as to get a puppy as a pet because it is cute. Still unconvinced? Check out the many SPCA posters then. (I dun understand why people are so excited over finding animals new homes. )

Second. If you have no time or energy to teach your child well. Chances are, he is going to add humiliation to your family name, instead of glorifying it. So, why bother? Also, what is the whole point of passing on a family name anyway??? It is really your own choice and your own life. There is no point to make yourself miserable just to carry on the family line.

Thirdly, just to reproduce. Why bother. There are people from India and China which are very densely populated nations. If you are worried that Singapore is not populated enough. Oh well, our government can always attract foreign talents! As we are ever so attractive ;)


ALL IN ALL. Please, oh please, rationalize your choice to reproduce.

Act responsibly. For our future generation.

-------------
Now on the plane back to Paris.

The short stay in Singapore was proven to be very short indeed!!!

In a blink of an eye. Here I am on my way back again. This time, SQ is having computer related problems on their KrisWorld. AND that is why I m not watching my favourite kind of meaningless-funny-bimbotic shows, like Bewitched. Haha. Or Desperate Housewives. Seriously, I haven’t even watched an episode of DH yet. Yeah, I know, I m kind of slow. Well, cant help it that I m in a country where English shows come much later than e other English literate parts of the world. They need the time for translation I guess. Ha.


Sq is happily still in Greece. So no Sq for 4 working days in France. I wonder. What will it be like. I do not feel brave enough myself to face the harsh working environment on my own. I feel afraid. I have lost my courage. And I wonder, where have my courage gone to? I guess it is much easier to be brave when there is someone dear, somewhere near by, loving me and holding me.

On my own now. It is really not easy for me.

Plus, I reckon that I have already forgotten most of the French I knew!! I find myself having a very hard time replying to the emails of my colleagues. C’est juste parce que je ne peux pas trouve les mots!

Anyway, it is all part of placing myself on the line I guess. But I often wonder to myself, if the line is too thin for me.


Whatever it is, there is no use worrying about it, and there is only so such advice someone give can give.. often, you are your best strategist/advisor. Cos you know your situation best, and you know yourself most.