A Bimbo, Re-Defined

...a princess's diary...

jeudi, octobre 27, 2005

Here I am , stuck in the middle with you….

I think i m going to write something irrelevant, and it might not even make sense!


As I have been talking to some friends who are studying/working abroad, I realised a pattern. After years of staying in a European cultured society. A lot of people attained nirvana, i.e. ‘nie pan’.



Before when we are all dwelling in the little island which we call home, we are full of ambitions, motivation and drive. Determined to carve an amazing career out of our hands, we embraced our destiny and ventured into foreign land.

We might have different reasons to make the choice for working/studying overseas. But they do not differ much from gaining exposure, for a better and brighter career. Generally.


Somehow, is it something about the European culture, that focuses more on family, and well being?? Or it is due to the long and vast distance from home, that we started to realise what really matters?


For eg, (dun bite me!) my dearest friend Ossie. Before, she is very career oriented. Etc. but now that she has found Duke in London apparently. PLUS she fell in love with the European lifestyle. (BY THE WAY, what European lifestyle?? When each European country is so different from the other????) That is not important. Ha. She now just prioritises love. Love love love love love. I wonder how many times do I have to repeat it to make you guys suffer from tooth decay!

Another example. From an old JC friend. When I was discussing with him about whether to stay or to return. He asked me instead that is this opportunity worth it? Is career really worth your absence away from your friends and family??? What are the things that you place priority to?

All this came as a shock to me. For he is, ( or at least, he was ) one of the most career oriented person I have ever met. Being the triple jump record holder of Singapore, of our times, plus track captain. All these topped up with his perfect A levels score. PLUS of course his army of groupies. Ha. All these. He has, instead, changed his direction.



If you guys remember Von. Von was someone who wants to “wo fei de jui gao jui yuan”. You know, the theme song of our beloved star search. And indeed she has. She is one of the very very few who got offered to study her PHD here in France, bondless. An opportunity which she rejected, just to go back to cultivate her relationship which she found here in France with a fellow Singaporean. This lady is planning to get married soon.



I wonder if its due to the age. Because we are getting older, we get more family oriented, and fluffy and all. But in fact, as compared to the people of the same age group back in Sg, the people in Sg are just as competitive as ever.


In Singapore, due to our sheer size, and lack of natural resources, hence we are a country made of human resources. In such a country, it become unavoidable that “success” is being commonly defined by how high you fly, your career.

I remember a kinda ‘debate’ not long ago (not really a debate, cos its on shifu’s blog), about VS guys discussing about how their school should be not a mixed school. My thought was, children should grow up in an environment which is natural. Natural being, the same of their living environment. The world is made up of 2 sexes, so why separate children due to their sex for schooling? (the same goes for religion, race, etc) there should be no separation, in my opinion.

And one of the old VS boy friends of my Shifu listed out the high flying people who graduated from single sex schools. And concluded that they are in fact, successful. I did not go on pushing my point. But what strikes me is how people associate success to success in career.

I guess I use to be like that. But now.. ha. No longer. At least I think so.



I think I am on the path of attaining Nirvana liao.. I am Nie-pan-ing liao. In france.


A suggestion to scholarship sponsors. Do not send people to Europe! Ha.




Its just my point of view anyway. Which made it so hard to decide whether to stay or to leave. Cos if I m like before, I would have stayed, no problems. If I have attained Nirvana, I would choose to leave, no problems. But now…


Here I am , stuck in the middle with you….



mardi, octobre 25, 2005

Life oh life

I havent been sleeping nicely lately.

feeling sick.


Have been drinking the benedictine DOM with multi fruit juice. HA!

Recommended by mum. but its taste is really not great at all! but if you mix with lots of multi fruit juice, actually its acceptable!


Think the time has come for the decision of to stay or to leave......... what should i choose??????


HELP!

seriously life is hard in a foreign land...... Haiz.



You Ku Nan Yan. i wonder who can really understand. except for those that have experienced it themselves!

vendredi, octobre 21, 2005

Starting afresh

Hey people,
You know, I will love to blog more often.

BUT due to my 'strategic' location, i cant!! grr

anyway.



My birthday. the countdown day to my birthday (14th), sq and me had a big big fight. which led me to pack all my things in his house to shift out, and break up.


hmm. anyway. that is it. it was really really bad.



then we made up, and on my birthday, we had a simple meal in a Korean restaurant. which after we had a nice walk along the river. which overlooks (of course!) Effiel tower, and the other architectures.


THEN. he started walking REALLY fast. turns out. he needs the toilet urgently.


HEH!



anti-climax.


thats it.





I feel that there is too much 'bad blood' in the relationship. that i think that we should clear it all up before continuing.


For me, i know that i cant really trust him, i m extremely afriad that history will repeat itself. etc. Him too, i think. its so bad that sometimes we are fighting in front of friends. not exactly fighting, BUT just expressing our displeasure about each other in front of friends.


there are reservations now i think.


Hence, I thought about it.


Here are my proposed plans:
-Make a list.
Each person is to make a list. the list should contain first the things that you like about each other. it can be something simple like .... i like your big nose, or i like you when you call me to say "wan an". etc.


list out the times when you are hurt. go through the list, and explain your actions then. to close every case. make the relevant apologies (even they have been made before) once and for all.


THEN, go through the list of the things you like. ending each point with a kiss. =)
then hug long long.

- Discover a new place together
take the 31st Oct off, so that we have 4 days to go somewhere. perhaps Rome or Barcelona.
Taking a break together will do good for the relationship

-Start anew
NO more mentioning of previous faults/mistakes
if someone mentions it, the other have to say: "dear, we have already discussed about that, no?" followed by a kiss=)

Optional:
-go for classes togehter
as in, pick up something new together.
I would suggest Salsa... but i know he is not keen to try.






what do u all think? any other suggestions??

mardi, octobre 18, 2005

So upset with Blogger

So upset with Blogger!!

my post about shit and urine cant be posted via email!!!!!


GRRRRR..


plus now that I am located strategically with the big bosses, I cant afford to be caught doing 'extra curriculum activities'!!!!!!!!!!!

BOO.

Lan3 Ren2 Shi3 Niao4 Duo1

The direct translation will be :

 

Lazy people have more shit and urine.

 

HA!

 

Din realize that it sounds so crude in English!!

 

 

It doesn’t sound so bad in Chinese right??? Does it??

 

Oops

 

Anw, I have been going to the toilet more often nowadays..

 

WHEN I m feeling lazy. Ha, its true indeed!

vendredi, octobre 14, 2005

The last day of 23

There are few words to describe my last day to be 23.

Anyway people, my Sg hotline is still up and running!! haha.. all ready for birthday greetings..hhhahahaa. Charges are the same when u send an sms to a sg phone. but I might not respond, cos charges are high here!


In a good mood currently, as I have just finished my FIRST proposal!!! YAY!



well, before that, I was in a bad mood.


But since my partner is in a bad mood too, I did my best to support her. =)

so finally, job accomplished!!!


Alot of complications happened to me and my colleagues in France, that made life unbearable here. I would attribute these to the plain cultural and language differences. but everyone knows that how can cultural differences be just described as 'plain'?? when culture is something that is created over the years?


Anyway, so in short, there are alot of difficulties living here in France, and there is no support from our employer. so all in all, we are kind of left to die.


With this, I want to talk about redundant/non-redundant systems. QUELLE NERD!!

I know, I know, I am a good 'old nerd!


When we choose to be in a monoganous relationship, we are choosing a non-redundant system. A non-redundant system (for the non-nerds) is a system that has only one processor, and if this processor fails, the whole system is down.

On the other hand, a redundant system, is one with several processors, and when a processor fails, the next one on line will take over the work.

So, yesterday, my non-redundant system was mal functioning, it was down. and I collapsed.

I really hoped sq to help clear my mess, but well, he is too busy clearing his own mess.


I had a terrible night. which ended with tears. Sq cant be with me.


After the hard hard day at work, I got back, and saw a new message on my sg handphone. Thinking that it might be a early BD message. but no. it was an sms from an old friend, informing me of a suicide of a fellow course mate.


I wonder how low can I fall?

I dragged myself to work today, only to find my team mate crying.


ha, so bobian. acted the chirpy hero=)


Anw, feeling very proud of myself of my first proposal!!


just for laughs, OR your pleasure!!!

I had a mail from AdPost:
i am an 18 year old eurasian with a nice body and nice face. i am also quite well endowed. i would like to make money in any way you want me to work for you, i can try to be your escort/model although i have little experience. I am also a very accomplished singer for any kind of event.

email: qwerhjkl666@hotmail.com



er!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


anyone thinking of using her service???

ha

maybe I should employ her as a stripper for one of my guy friends!! hahahhaa

jeudi, octobre 13, 2005

The email function

Apparently the email function of blogger doesnt really work from my work place. heh


with the absence of internet at my place, haiz..

leads to the unfortunate absence for this blog.




lots of work to do as of now,

but I fear for my future...


my birthday is coming.

and i feel like an old old girl..



à plus.

it doesnt seem to work now

As written in the title

mercredi, octobre 12, 2005

Disappointed

Extremely disappointed with everything here.

 

 

I really do not know where to start.

 

 

I am wondering for the next 2 years. Where and what should I be doing?

 

 

Should I stay in France? Should I go back?

 

Should I stay in my current department? Should I go back to my old one?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Very disappointed with the way things are done here. But! No talking about work here, cos its e www.

Very very sad.

lundi, octobre 10, 2005

Testing out this function

Testing out this function

vendredi, octobre 07, 2005

A blink of an eye

coming back to singapore and taking a long break here is nice. i guess.


thoughts are running through my head, circling.


i guess, perhaps in paris, I do not have the time to breathe and think. work and other misc things have been catching up on me.

Now sitting at the dentist's, waiting for my turn. oh yah! finally, i get to see my newest acquisation! this fujitsu subnote. its sooo small, i LOVE it!

of course its not first hand stuff. poor people like me. really cannt afford wor..

i met my group of old gal friends yesterday. it was so familiar and nice.

it has been ages since i get to discuss things like which mascara smudges.. etc with girls!! u know, there are very very few young girls in my department. in fact, only one other girl ard my age. and she is not really the girly kind. or rather she is the girly kind, BUT heh.. her taste is different from mine lar.

Why am i at the dentist's?

many of u know that i have this childhood problem of teeth grinding. YES, i am a teeth grinder til now. the doctor's explanation will be that it is due to stress. hmm.. to think that i actually like to have alittle stress to work. but subconciously my body does not seem to be able to take it.

my sis have the same problem.

so here i m, looking for a solution, before i grind all my teeth away. ha.

actually i have been procinstating it, but i met this friend of squeeze, who kind of broke his teeth when grinding it. so i freaked out. heh.


Now, I feel so quite lost. not having my agenda with me (but at least I have my subnote!!). i feel like taking it slow this time, cos i will be back in 3 months' time. or to be exact, 2.5 month's time.

So, for the people that I did not manage to meet up this time round. We shall meet up in December lor. =)

I cant help falling in love with my new subnotebook!! I cant wait to format it and install windows XP. Ha, in fact, I cant wait to ask squeeze to format and install windows XP for me. Haha.


--

Responsibility to the future generation

Parenting is such an important and influencing role, yet there are no courses on parenting.

Recently, I felt the strongest need fo be responsible for our future generation.

I’ve just lost someone dear to me.

My only son.

My rabbit to be exact.


I have actually planned to bring my rabbit with me to Paris this time. But… sad to say, he has left us.


I have failed as a parent.

Now, looking at how the mother across me is fussing over her baby, in the MRT. I feel. People like me should never be allowed to have children. I left my child to be taken care of by another family, for the one year in Paris. And when I took him back. He died.

What does that has to say about me?!

I am absolutely disgusting. I am a menace.


My license to have children should be taken away.

Hence, since yesterday night, looking at the dead body of my dear son, xiao ke. I secretly told myself, I shall not have any children.

Forget it. Forget about reproducing. Forgetting about how cute babies are. Rabbits are cute too! Not matter how cute things are, u cant want to have them JUST BECAUSE they are cute!

I cant. I know I cant. I cant be a mother. I m no mother material.


Although XiaoKe has left. His death was not to go to waste. It taught me a lot of things. Having a child is a commitment. A serious commitment..

If both husband and wife are busy working, and too tired at the end of the day for a baby. They should not have the baby at all! Also, this applies to couples who have to fly around for work. Having grandparents to take care of the baby is kind of irresponsible. Cos yes, you can assign the job of taking care of the baby to the grand parents, but NO, you can even assign the responsibility to them. How the baby is going to turn out as, is ENTIRELY your responsibility.

Now that I have started to rationalize.

Why do people want to have babies?
1because they are cute
2to carry on the family name
3just to reproduce and populate Mother Earth

The first reason is not a reason. It is as irresponsible as to get a puppy as a pet because it is cute. Still unconvinced? Check out the many SPCA posters then. (I dun understand why people are so excited over finding animals new homes. )

Second. If you have no time or energy to teach your child well. Chances are, he is going to add humiliation to your family name, instead of glorifying it. So, why bother? Also, what is the whole point of passing on a family name anyway??? It is really your own choice and your own life. There is no point to make yourself miserable just to carry on the family line.

Thirdly, just to reproduce. Why bother. There are people from India and China which are very densely populated nations. If you are worried that Singapore is not populated enough. Oh well, our government can always attract foreign talents! As we are ever so attractive ;)


ALL IN ALL. Please, oh please, rationalize your choice to reproduce.

Act responsibly. For our future generation.

-------------
Now on the plane back to Paris.

The short stay in Singapore was proven to be very short indeed!!!

In a blink of an eye. Here I am on my way back again. This time, SQ is having computer related problems on their KrisWorld. AND that is why I m not watching my favourite kind of meaningless-funny-bimbotic shows, like Bewitched. Haha. Or Desperate Housewives. Seriously, I haven’t even watched an episode of DH yet. Yeah, I know, I m kind of slow. Well, cant help it that I m in a country where English shows come much later than e other English literate parts of the world. They need the time for translation I guess. Ha.


Sq is happily still in Greece. So no Sq for 4 working days in France. I wonder. What will it be like. I do not feel brave enough myself to face the harsh working environment on my own. I feel afraid. I have lost my courage. And I wonder, where have my courage gone to? I guess it is much easier to be brave when there is someone dear, somewhere near by, loving me and holding me.

On my own now. It is really not easy for me.

Plus, I reckon that I have already forgotten most of the French I knew!! I find myself having a very hard time replying to the emails of my colleagues. C’est juste parce que je ne peux pas trouve les mots!

Anyway, it is all part of placing myself on the line I guess. But I often wonder to myself, if the line is too thin for me.


Whatever it is, there is no use worrying about it, and there is only so such advice someone give can give.. often, you are your best strategist/advisor. Cos you know your situation best, and you know yourself most.