A Bimbo, Re-Defined

...a princess's diary...

samedi, août 13, 2005

With looks, comes shit.

some things have been going through my mind.

I am starting to hate adult life.


I loved it. more than school.

because after work, I do not even need to think about it.

Isnt it cool?


but now. it just became ugly.



What is wrong with looking the way that I am?


I remember in school, some people think I am bimbotic. just because I have the looks, means I must lack in some other areas. the most popular belief is that I lack in the brain department.


which. is ridiculous. not because I think that i am superly smart. BUT the people who say that about me, always with grades like C or tabao-ing (failing) subjects in school. yes i know it is hard not to tabao in our very demanding course. almost everyone did tabao. but I din. and I am proud of it. if you are smarter than me, maybe I am able to swallow your comments about me being stupid easier.

But no. oh god. we have to destroy people like that. mean, silly and sour.


Then again, that doesnt look so bad now. as compared to the adult world.



JUST because I am offered a position. that requires other people years to reach. the first thought that reaches many is: the director wants to sleep with me. or someone high up in the management wants to sleep with me.

er.




I got all depressed yesterday night. Poor sq. he had to tolerate me. for quite a couple of nights, I was depressed.

I really pity sq sometimes. He has been in poor health recently. and the doctor said that it is due to stress. either work or gf.

ha.


and yet. I am stressing him again and again.


I am stressing myself too. I am again and again disappointed with myself. because I am not able to pick up french fast enough.

I am angry with myself. WHY CANT I JUST SPEAK FRENCH FLUENTLY TO SHUT UP THE STUPID PEOPLE!?!



And yet in front of my sg colleagues, it is a different story. On one hand, I want to show that I am capable. on the other, I am so afraid that they will start being wary of me, cos of my accelerated progression of career path.


Well, it is not as if my pay is going to be any different.

Also. In fact, sadly, there is a high chance that I got it due to my looks. WHY IS THE WORLD LIKE THIS?


So in any case, I might take a step back, if it were to be expected of me to sleep with anyone that I am not willing to.



I think I do not want a successful career that badly that I want to betray myself.



Come to think of it, I do not mind if I am offered the chance because of my looks. But I mind a lot if I am expected to sleep with anyone.

I mean, looks is a part of me. And it is a tool that I can use. Why be so straight and stupid not to use it? Other people might have other talents that I dun. So if I dun use all the advantages I have. It is a little silly.



Anyway. I am rather upset about this. As it is probably true that I was employed because of my looks again. SIGH. It is not as if I am really really good looking lor!! Why must I face this kind of things??!!??


If I were to look like michelle reis. I really dun mind man. :P


But I dun. So why is there still such shit?!?