A Bimbo, Re-Defined

...a princess's diary...

jeudi, novembre 25, 2004

Singapourienne Nuit Blanche

Hier, mes singapourienne amies vas chez moi, apres un bon japonais diner. Nous nous boirons beaucoup de coke, et parlons beaucoup de temp. Aussi, nous nous jouer 'dai di', MAI je n'ai pas gagne! Pas une fois!!!!
Il me mis pense ma vie.... Est-ce que je suis heureux maintenant? Est-ce que c'est la vie je veux?? peut etre, peut etre pas...je me changer ma vie!

Au jourd'hui, je suis tres fatiguee apres le nuit blanche hier.. ZZZ.... je crois je vas domir en mon bureau...=PIt*s My Life
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Yesterday night was actually one of my fav nights in Paris. I get to spend it with 2 very intelligent and capable Singaporean women.

When I came back today, what was left was only an A4 sized paper, with smudgy words on it. I almost fainted to read what I wrote when I was still half wake in the morning… ‘Last night was fun’ Crap! I actually wrote that this morning! HA! Sounds sooooo scandalous huh? Just in case your filthy mind is already starting to think of kinky stuff.. I will like to clarify that we are all STRAIGHT women, A even has a daughter for crying out loud!

I really should be resting now, but I can’t help pondering on our conversation last night. About Singapore being a place that lacks the human touch. About us being too competitive and playing politics. About being ambitious and balancing life.

“Wo fei de zhui gao zhui yuan…” That stupid song KEPT ringing in my head. Why? Thanks to Y for singing it out. I dun deny that I once had that kind of mentality. And I wonder if it is a common thing amongst Singaporeans. There was once all I wanted was to be a highly successful career woman, and to be the best. Singapore being such a small country, without natural resources (as emphasized upteemth time by our dearest gvt), has to be competitive in order to survive. Competitive. This 11-letter word has been making its guest appearances in our newspapers, textbooks, etc.. into our lives basically. I guess 3 of us agree that Singaporeans are very competitive. But what happens if we are not? Is it a must to be competitive for us? I wonder why are Asian countries so competitive, while the European ones can still relax. Why are we making life so difficult? Is there a better way?

Speaking of competitiveness, I still clearly remember the politics I had to play when I was in uni. It was then I totally LOST faith in friends, and the only ones I can trust now are my family and my bf. Why? Because a very good friend turned his back on me, WITH my very best friend (they happen to be a couple). It still hurts whenever I think of it. With this, I want to thank A for sharing so much with us, it kind of rekindles a little more faith in me. =) Still, I find it hard to trust people completely again. I find it difficult to open up to people. What is wrong with me?

I just hate politics to the core. Haha.. because I suck at it! I suck at sizing people up so much that I just give up doing it. But however, people kept warning that you have to protect yourself etc.. so instead of doing the sizing on my own, I ask questions, to know how others size people. Now come to think of it, what will happen even if I go on life without trying to size people? How will life be if I go on without protecting myself? I think the worst hangover from university life is that I’ve lost trust in people.

Pardon me for my grammar mistakes etc.. I am still well, half awake..